Shame-Based People

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Patria's picture
Last seen: 1 year 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 06/02/2011 - 1:55am
Shame-Based People

Shame-filled people feel that something is wrong at their very core. It is a sense of being bad . . ..

~ Susan Kwiecien

Nobody is rotten to the core. Whenever we start to believe we are bad all the way through, we can picture good things we have done, days when someone else was happy to be with us, and see for ourselves that we have many good points that outweigh the bad.

If we have done something wrong, we must apologize and make amends. Making a mistake is not the same as being worthless. Mistakes are a natural part of living, not something to be ashamed of. Our freedom to make mistakes is one of our greatest assets, for this is the way we learn humility, persistence, courage to take risks, and better ways of doing things. All of us are valuable and lovable. How could we be otherwise? Since mistakes are natural aspects of growth, we can salute them in others and ourselves as signs of life and celebrate our ability to learn and to forgive.

What mistakes have helped me grow?

Today's Gift.

dan1's picture
Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 05/04/2012 - 6:42pm
The fact that we have shame

The fact that we have shame actually proves that we aren't rotten to the core.

(The people who are rotten have no shame at all.)

I've only begun dealing with my shame. The old way was, do something wrong, and either feel terrible about the fact that I did it because it proves what a screwed up, terrible, fundamentally wrong and broken person I am, or, be so *afraid* of feeling that way that I block it out and deny it altogether. Neither of those is helpful. They send me straight to my addiction.

In recovery I'm learning to do it differently. Taking an inventory on a regular basis, and following step 10, "when we were wrong promptly admitted it" and then asking our HP's to help us be free from any character defect that is revealed by our actions--this is what gets us back to a place where we don't need to feel shame. We made a mistake. It was either a simple mistake, or it shows that there is something that isn't right about the way we are living. So we admit the mistake, and become willing for that aspect that isn't right to be removed. Then we humbly ask to have it removed. That's the ongoing work that brings us back to spiritual health, again and again.

A new way of living. Hard to learn. And it requires rigorous honesty. But it gets me out of the cycle of shame, self-loathing, need to escape, escape, bad consequences of escape, more shame. That's one of the cycles that sent us into our addiction. So I learn not just to "not play that first game today," but also to "not play that first shame today." Recovery.

I am a recovering computer game and gambling addict. My recovery birthday: On May 6, 2012 I quit games and began working a program of recovery through OLGA No computer games or slot games for me since December 12, 2012. No solitaire games with real cards since June 2013.

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