My 19 yrs old son can't stop gaming

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Hopehope2015
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My 19 yrs old son can't stop gaming

I have a 19 years old son and he is currently in 2nd year of University. I know he loved computer games since he was in middle school but I didn't realize he is already additive. There were many times when he was in high school I woke up at midnight and found he was awake playing games, he lied about it for all knid of exceses. Somehow he still managed to get into a very competive program, he refused to admit that he played games, I hate so much about those lies.

He failed his first year of univerisy and was kicked out the program and was on probation with a different program, we didn't find out until beginning of second year.....

I spent lots of time talking to him and seems he never opened up his heart, I am very frustrated. He barely passed last term with very low GTA. Today is his first day back to school, he missed his first class and lied to me he was in class. I found out from bank statements he spent more money than before and was charged many times NSF ($45 each) because he tried to make payment to paypal to buy games. He made some money in summer and I don't hav access to it

I feel hopeless, I know it's not easy, I'd like to get a help here, he is a bright boy, I can't stand seeing him losing his bright future from computing games. I thougt to cut his funds for tuition and have him find a job, but I'm afraid he will never go back to school and ends up with very low pay job and continue to play his games in the rest of his life.

Please Help

Any opinion would be really appreciated

Andrew_Doan
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Does your son want help? You

Does your son want help?

You can start by not paying for his college.

Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD

My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.

Polga
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Welcome Hope As our sons

Welcome Hope

As our sons become adults they start to take control of their lives and do things that we do not approve of. We cannot make them do what is good for them but we can refuse to enable the bad behaviour.

If your son is addicted, he will not be able to moderate, and it will continue to blight his life. SO far he has shown he cannot moderate. You need to find out if he fails again so you can make choices about your response

Addiction is a disease when the person can no longer easily control what they do, even when they admit its a problem and want to stop. There are personality changes. While your son is in active addiction he will continue to fail. His current education would be a waste of his time and your money. Unless you stop enabling it to continue until he has gotten over it or is responsible for paying his way, then I fear it's very likely more time will be wasted.

My own son wasted our private tuition money. He just kept gaming and wasted his exam chances.

I found it really helpful to read as much as I could on this forum about what other parents have done. There is a starter thread here:

http://olganon.org/?q=node/4231

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

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mommy3
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Hopehope2015 wrote:  I
Hopehope2015 wrote:

I thougt to cut his funds for tuition and have him find a job, but I'm afraid he will never go back to school and ends up with very low pay job and continue to play his games in the rest of his life.

From what you've shared it sounds like your son is not getting much out of college and is continuing to nurture the addiction. Personally, I would not be comfortable with that and it sounds like you are not; that's why you are here. You're feeling there needs to be a change. This way is not working.

He can choose to go to school and get acceptable grades or get a job. I would give him no more than a semester to prove he is worthy of your financial support. If he does not meet the standard, he can move back home (if away). Be sure he has no access to games.(If this creates and unsafe situation, seek professional help before eliminating all games). Most likely, it will take some time for him to detox before he has the motivation to find work. I think he will learn more about himself and life in this situation as oppossed to continued gaming at school. It may give him the opportunity to prioritize when he is now responsible for many of his life needs/ comforts. At that point he may find that gaming is not sustainable as an adult. It could give him the opportunity to grow to a place where he appreciates the opportunity to go to college. I wouldn't fear him ending up in a low paying job and gaming his life away just yet. He would have to learn to support himself first, which is a long ways off at this point, I imagine.

Keep coming back as there is much wisdom, experience and knowledge here.

I hope that helped and don't lose heart. This is a process and changes don't happen overnight, but there is hope and things you can do to move toward not enabling.

Gamersmom
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If you haven't paid the full

If you haven't paid the full tuition for this semester, I would recommend that you don't. If you can get most of your money back, have him withdraw now. If not and you are stuck paying for the entire semester, tell him right now that it will be the last semester you will pay for unless he comes out of it with at least a C average.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

May Light
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Welcome to OLGA

Welcome to OLGA Hopehope2015,

I am sorry that you have to go through this. My experience with my own son and other mother's experiences which they shared, taught me that generally bright and sensitive children with some sort of psycological issues such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, asperges, bipolar etc choose to run away from reality and the responsibilities by hiding behind the screen. Gaming is their digital drug... They do what they do not because they are bad or irresponsible or want to drive us crazy. Most of the time they are also not happy with themselves but because they lost control of their life, they can't come out of this vicious cycle by themselves. Their brain is negatively affected during the process of excessive gaming and this makes it even harder for them to acknowledge their true situation. The frontal cortex of their brain which is responsible from reasoning, motivation, decision making, judgment, love, empathy etc, in short, executive functioning has been mostly bypassed. So expecting them to shake this habit off over night is expecting a miracle! It is a very slow process..

The ideal situation is if they realize they have an issue with their playing. If they want to stop gaming and look for help, our job as a parent becomes reasonable easy. If they deny the problem and keep gaming in spite of all the negative consequences, as a parent all we can do is stop enabling. If he is away studying, paying for his fees is enabling. Paying for his food, accommodation is enabling. If he keeps failing, it is best for him to stop studying until he and his brain recovers from excessive gaming. If he is at home, having internet at home is enabling, even providing food and shelter is enabling. You may consider to discuss with him and tell him you will no longer enable him (whatever way is appropriate for your situation) and follow your word and stay strong. Because he will try every possible way to change your opinion and be enabled.

I think it is very important for them to understand what you do is for their own good. You are taking this steps because you love him not because you want to punish him.

We parents have weekly typed chat meetings every Thursday 9pm EST. Join us if you would like us to share our stories and benefit from our experiences.

It is a very tough journey but it is the only way out.... The alternative is a bigger and harder problem if it is not dealt with soon.

All the best!

"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." "The first step toward change is acceptance." "Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do." "Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."- Will Garcia

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