Leaving Second Life- I'm a mess

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RC
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Leaving Second Life- I'm a mess

Hello,

Like many Second Life users, I was not happy in my real life and hid in this virtual world (about 3 years). I was able to become the person I wanted to be and spent many hours/days/months/years there. I've realized I was just hiding from my true self and Second Life became a priority. Long story short, I met seomeone from Second Life and we moved it into Real Life (a long distance relationship). As we became closer and more involved in our real lives, second life became less interesting to me. I wanted us to start a Real Life together. I started to use second life just as a platform where we could meet in between the times we could physically be there for one another. When discussing the future or how we could close the distance gap, she became irrate about how I wasn't as involved in Second Life as when we first met.

We broke up and it's been devestating to me. This has been a blessing in disguise because now I can't find myself logging on at all. However, I still miss the interaction I had with people there. My ex is still very active there with our "mutual friends", all whom I've come to understand are all sick as well. These are people who spend most of the hours and days in a virtual world while there's a whole life passing them by. Right now I feel a bit confused and angry, mainly because I feel SL in the end, ruined something great. There are times where I do want to go log back in, but I know I wouldn't get the same satisifaction, I see everything in 20./20 now and know most people there cannot offer me anything in Real Life. At the same time, I sometimes see pictures they post of themselves having virtual fun and I get upset/sad. I have so many mixed emotions with this. Anyone have any advice because I feel so confused. I haven't been on but the urges are strong!

Thank You

Tommi
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Hi RC, SL is pretty

Hi RC,

SL is pretty pernicious. Before I eventually quit I relapsed several times. It was curiousity and obsession about what my friends/partners were doing which caused me to relapse.

My advice, if you are sure you want to leave SL, is to cut all ties. Remove links, images, texts, everything. Stay away from everything about SL and your friends/partners there.

Start a new life.

What worked for me, and keep an open mind this is my own experience, was that I prayed that God would look after those I left behind in SL. That way I was absolved of the responsibility.

It worked. I did not relapse again. And I will be 6 years quit this month. I have not had any desire or curiosity to go back for several years.

Check out my videos for more details.

Olga/non member since Dec. 2008 Check out my latest video on Gaming Addiction and public awareness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-6JZLnQ29o

MOVING ON
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Hi RC. I recently quit SL

Hi RC. I recently quit SL too and I am definitely with you on how you feel about it. I never made many lasting friendships really but it still damaged me. You are in a very fortunate position because you can see the problem, unlike your friends. Take advantage of this! follow your gut and turn your focus to you and your real life. When I did this, I realised how stagnant my life was and how many unfinished things about myself/things in my life/problems I had just left in favour of SL, but leaving SL makes those things a priority, forcing you to see what needs changing. I have felt already how nourishing this is for my spirit. You will improve your life in ways that you could have never done with a gaming addiction in the picture. It is so, SO worth it, trust me. Like Tommi says, I decided to cut out everything. Scary, but worth it!!

Anima
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I understand exactly how you

I understand exactly how you feel! I have struggled with SL for the past year (quitting then relapsing several times) and finally deleted both of my accounts in the game a few days ago. I deleted all my SL friends from my Skype and deleted my SL facebook as well. It really does help not having contact with them and altho I still have small urges to see what's going on, it gets better with each day. You can do this!

RC
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Thank you for your

Thank you for your encouraging words and support. It's nice to know there are others there that know exactly what you're talking about. Do you mind if I pm you or email you for ongoing support?

RC
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Yes, once I turned away from

Yes, once I turned away from SL I was faced with reality and realized how lonely I really was. I pushed away many friends for SL and now what do I have to show for it? I think that's one of the things that bothered me during the relationship was that, every time I logged off or walked away from the computer, I had nothing in the physical form here with me.

Like the others, do you mind if I pm you or email you for ongoing support? I think it would be really helpful.

Lisa3333
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Welcome RC!  The best way I

Welcome RC! The best way I met others in our fellowship was coming to the meetings and connecting. We have 4 a day, held either here or by voice in mumble or in our room for gaming addicts in stepchat. Here is the link for the times and locations http://olganon.org/?q=node/46551. Hope to see you in one!

Hugs, Lisa Video game free since 4/17/2014

Anima
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Quote: Yes, once I turned
Quote:

Yes, once I turned away from SL I was faced with reality and realized how lonely I really was. I pushed away many friends for SL and now what do I have to show for it? I think that's one of the things that bothered me during the relationship was that, every time I logged off or walked away from the computer, I had nothing in the physical form here with me.

This is so true. After 3 years of Imvu and SL, I've emerged from it all with absolutely nothing to show for it. I too pushed away rl friends and they eventually gave up on me. Now I have to start over socially and that's a pretty scary thought, but I refuse to spend another 10 years or so of my life as a hermit in my room sitting in front of a computer screen.

And sure you can pm me :)

Shiraz
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HI RC, I have been off of SL

HI RC,

I have been off of SL going on 2 weeks myself. Like you, I met somebody there and it developed into a RL relationship. We only lived 2 hours apart so it was easy to see eachother. The problem is we are both married.

Once we started seeing eachother in RL, we stopped being on SL totally, both of us. After several meetings in RL, where we clicked beautifully, he freaked out and decided he could not see me anymore. We agreed to just continue our relationship by telephone only because we enjoyed our talks. He is not getting any intimacy from his wife, and he ended up going straight back to SL for sex, but did not tell me about it until about a month after he started. I was horribly hurt that he went on SL again without me, and even more hurt when he told me he did not want to be with me on SL because it would make him want to see me again too much in RL. He said he was going to keep having sex on there and would not stop. Believe it or not, I let him get away with this!!! I went on SL a few times and he mostly blew me off to hang out with other ladies. This hurt horribly. Once he even ignored me on im - probably to have sex with somebody.

The end for me came when he told me he had now met another Avi on there who he wanted to start seeing one on one. Meanwhile he wanted to keep me as his RL girlfriend on the telephone!! WTF? He told me his love for me (and for his wife) was not diminished either way. Well that was the end of it for me. I couldn't stomache it anymore. I gave him a choice: either he spends time with me on SL, or quits SL, or I can't talk to him anymore. Guess what he chose? SL and his new girlfriend....

That ended me wanting to be on SL. I had only ever really just hung out there for fun. I had never been addicted, but I did spend alot of time there. Without him though, it lost all meaning for me and became a very painful place for me to be. I deleted all my apps and my accounts. This is after 4 years of regularly hanging out on SL at night.

I think sometimes, people may just prefer relationships that are SL relationships over RL. If that is where they spend their time and focus their mind, of course that is where things will blossom. Did your girlfriend break up with you because you were not on SL anymore? Maybe that is all she wants...is a bonafide SL relationship, and not a RL one. Maybe that is just what some people need, for whatever reason...

Feel free to pm me or whatever also. Anybody who understands SL and what it can do to people is somebody I can relate to these days...

Shiraz

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Going through the same thing

Yup. I'm going through the same thing. 5 months ago...my partner of 7 months, suddenly wanted to break and have space but she kept texting me sending me mixed messages. I was new to SL when I frst met her so I've very rooted in RL but somehow spent every night with her, thinking that at some point it would go RL. Never got any photos of her...ever in 7 months....although I sent her pics of myself (nothing lewd....just nice pictures of me). Back to the RL thing...she would always dangle the carrot but still be vague about it. Whenever I brought it up and asked about actual timeframes (obviously to budget the funds to travel and book vacation time) she would get annoyed and say she felt I was pressuring her....but yet I was told she loved me. Weird. I left it at that and never really asked again. Fast forward 6 months into the 7 months. Her work changed and ended up being more pressure for her (supposedly)...she became more distant. Her patterns changed completely. I ended up having a business trip to her city and when I brought it up to her she didn't say a word about meeting. Just "nice..you'll enjoy the city". WTF???? Shortly after that she texted me she wanted a break and needed time apart on Skype (Friday) She said she barely had time to go on SL anymore because her work was just so stressful and that she had to get it under control. The reason was because she said that she had to focus on her job and that the emotional intensity was too much for her to balance and that she just needed space. It was devastating to me, but I never begged or anything since I was always encouraging about her career. Literally the next day or the same night, I believe, she unpartnered, changed her pics...cut me out completely from her profile. I thought it weird but hey, I wasn't familiar with the mindset of someone who's been on SL for almost 7 years...maybe that's how they got over a break??? The following Monday she was flush with vacation time suddenly. Weeks of it where she would spend every day and night on SL. Weird. She would still text me, we'd still skype once in a while and she'd still tell me she loved me. When I would log in and just do my own thing...she'd barely acknowledge me, MAYBE say "hi"...but would never say "goodnight" or even "bye"...it was just boom..her logging off. I just found that actually weird for someone who I spent 7 months with, says she wants space but still told me she loves me. I mean...being civil isn't really asking for much. I ended up going on that business trip anyways 2 months after this "time apart" (still talking and telling eachother we missed and loved eachother) and offered to have a coffee with her...and not even that she would do. I told her it was just as friends...just to actually talk face to face, I mean, heck...we spent 7 months every night for hours together. Literally...EVERY night. Why not just have a few laughs and just chit chat? But no...she spent the entire time I was there (Weekend and Monday) on Secondlife, literally all day and night. I just went about doing my own thing in the city getting to know it. At the time I blamed myself for not understanding mixed messages from her, maybe thinking I was almost being too pushy...but now I realize it's just plain weird behaviour on her part. So now...I just basically stopped logging on anymore...and 5 months after this "break"...I clearly see it was a breakup and there was NEVER any intention of meeting RL...so I'm gone from SL. I'm guilty of looking at dashboard once in a while out of curiosity and I've noticed she spends WAYYYYY more time on SL that she ever did with me...so she seems to have buried her entire personal life into that game. Her picks have an ex of hers on there....and her flikr had pictures of her and him. According to her they were just friends but...it doesn't take a genius to know what really happened. I think she wanted to rekindle something there and just didn't have the courage to make a clean break. I was probably benched in case it didn't work out with him. It took me 5 months of hoping, holding on to thinking she wanted to come back to decide to let her go completely...and just let things be.

RC, it IS very hard to let go completely. SL ended up representing HER in a way because I was so new when we first met. I also felt that SL ruined something great but...did I REALLY know this person? Maybe she's always been like this in her 7 years in SL and her multiple relationships over those years. I knew nothing really about her. I was never able to see a picture of her....I was never given any REAL information about her although I was as transparent about myself to her. I never REALLY knew her.

Dude...the bottom line is this: For people deeply rooted into SL for many many years, we are transactions. They know the game...they've been through it many many times and they are able to simply move on quickly...and fall in love with the next "pixel fantasy" of theirs while folks like us try to understand what the hell happened? It was hard for me to move on, very hard. It still is and I'm doing my best to move on from someone who I completely opened up to. This was my first and last SL relationship I'll ever have. Just can't do it again...nor do I want to. 

You can do it. CUt everything off. SL is a time sucker....a money sucker. What does spending hours and hours a day there actually do for you? It makes you unable to socialize with people outside of the game. You become cut off from reality. You become a bubble. I Was a gregarious guy before joining SL last year. Over time I found that all I could think of was getting online. WTF? Looking back....this is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. It's hard going.....but you can do it.

wazzapp
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Thanks for sharing RC, im

Thanks for sharing RC, im happy you are here, keep coming back

 

Never alone, go to meetings <3 Mumble voice meetings on cgaa are great, see you there <3

 

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