WoW is destroying my relationship. My boyfriend spends every waking moment on World of Warcraft

18 posts / 0 new
Last post
skinnyxminnie
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/11/2015 - 6:43am
WoW is destroying my relationship. My boyfriend spends every waking moment on World of Warcraft

My boyfriend and I have been dating a year now. He is self employed and works from home. He has been playing since vanilla WoW, taking breaks here and there. Let me start out by saying he has an extremely addictive personality, and of corse I'd rather him be playing video games than going out and partying. I have never had a problem with boyfriends playing video games, thats what guys do. I also happen to enjoy video games, but the amount of time he spends playing World of Warcraft is far past just a hobby.

When we first started dating, he hadn't played in about a year or so. I fell in love with him and only him. When we moved in together, and the new expansion came out, he fell right back into the trap. Now I feel like im fighting a god **** computer game for my boyfriends love and attention. I honestly feel like a side chick. I have tried everything I could possibly think of to spend more time together as a couple, but his response is always the same, "We sit in the same room together all day, all we do is spend time together."

What I cant seem to get across to him is that although we are in the same room, i feel like theres a big wall separating us. I will ask him a question and have to wait 30 seconds to a few minutes before I get a response because WoW takes first priority. I feel so lonely and I don't want to pester him because I know its his passion, but i cant help but feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't want my entire life to be cooped up in a room begging for attention.

The first thing he does when he wakes up is turns on his computer and literally plays the entire day and entire night. (which makes the room 100 degrees because his computer generates so much heat, and he doesn't care that im melting). When I wake up in the morning, he usually goes to bed. Then I wind up tip toeing around the room trying not to wake him up until it's dinner time. He sleeps with me maybe 2 times a week and thats only because he feels guilty when I break down.

I know I'm not crazy, or overly sensitive. I'm done beating myself up and feeling like the bad guy for trying to take him away from something he loves. I've told him over and over again that I would never ask him to stop playing all together. All I'm asking for is a little time out of the day, watch a movie together or something. I honestly am so low maintenance for a girl its silly. I don't expect gifts or date nights or expensive food. I never mistreat him, and I'm always looking for ways to make him happy but I feel it isn't good enough.

I know he loves me, and every time we have an argument about this, at the end he reassures me that he truly does love me and isn't intending on any of this. And i honestly believe him. But I know he isn't trying as hard as he could be and he doesn't realise what he's got. I'm a pretty girl who happens to be nice, loving, and loyal. I don't go out with friends, I clean, and I really dont ask for much. I can't help but feel like someone out there would truly appreciate me more. We have such a connection though, and when he actually fully gives his attention to me, we have a great time.

But since he doesn't want to do anything but play WoW, I created an account to hopefully spend time together while doing something he loves. But when we play together, it usually ends up with me upset because he yells at me and makes me feel dumb for being a noob. I like the game, but I don't have an obsession like he does. I listen to him go on and on about World of Warcraft stuff, which half of it I barely understand, but i let him tell me all about it because I know its what he loves to do and all he wants to talk about.

I don't know what else I can possibly do at this point. I have tried everything I could think of to make this work but at the end of the day, I wind up lonely, feeling second-best, sweating my ass off, and right back to square one. I really love this guy and theres no doubt in my mind that he loves me back but I really am at a loss.

PrincessDreaming
PrincessDreaming's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 months 1 week ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/03/2015 - 2:34pm
- Quote: "I have tried

- Quote: "I have tried everything I could possibly think of to spend more time together as a couple, but his response is always the same, "We sit in the same room together all day, all we do is spend time together." What I cant seem to get across to him is that although we are in the same room, i feel like theres a big wall separating us."

My boyfriend responsed with the EXACT same words as your boyfriend in the quote above!

EVERYTHING you wrote in this post, and I REALLY mean EVERYTHING, could have been written by me. I live with the EXACT same feelings and problems with my boyfriend and his addiction to WoW. I too, came to this site to get help and advises, but I'm sorry I haven't found a solution yet. Just wanted you to know you're not alone, and your post is so much describing my story, as close as it could get.

Hope you find help and gets advises to help you.

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 hours 39 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
WelcomeThere is so much

Welcome

There is so much great information of this website to learn about how other spouses and SO's are coping with living with a gamer

Here is a great starter thread that deals with the main issues.

http://www.olganon.org/spouses_of_excessive_gamers

I found it helpful to keep coming back to reinforce my understanding and improve my own outlook.

Active addiction changes the personality so they become less empathetic and more self centred. The brain is rewired to feed the addiction. No amount of nagging or pleading can cure an addiction. By definition it is out of control. Even people who want to give up have a great deal of trouble doing so. Every situation is different. Some people can function (eg hold down a steady job) and some addicts loose everything.

Only the addict can fight the addiction. Until they want to change, all the spouse can do is either end the relationship or look after themselves and find their own interests and support. Spouses need to detach for the whether the gamer choses to game or not and just do our own thing and be totally awesome. When they detach, it can have a positive effect on the gamer to make them take notice that things are 'different'. By detaching you can find peace. When the gamer wants to change, the spouse can support the addict but the addict still has to do the work. The spouse's responsibility is to work on their own recovery as living with an addict takes its toll.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

skinnyxminnie
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/11/2015 - 6:43am
duplicate

duplicate

Andrew_Doan
Andrew_Doan's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 weeks 4 days ago
OLG-Anon memberOLGA memberOutreach
Joined: 06/13/2011 - 9:37am
If your boyfriend does not

If your boyfriend does not want help or does not recognize he has a problem with gaming, there's not much you can do. You should do what is best for you.

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

skinnyxminnie
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/11/2015 - 6:43am
thank you so much for your

thank you so much for your reply, I'm so sorry you have to deal with the same things I do. we would probably get along great lol. it's so tough trying to get anything through to my boyfriend, I feel like it's hopeless at this point but I just can't help but love him! I'm sure you know the struggle. I hope we both find some sort of relief, whether that means our boyfriends stepping up to the plate, or us finding new ones. I wish you the best of luck < 3

PrincessDreaming
PrincessDreaming's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 months 1 week ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/03/2015 - 2:34pm
Thank you for your kind

Thank you for your kind words! An I agree the two of US would get along great probably haha. I completely understand what you have to put up with, and yes of course we both love our boyfriends, but we sure could live without the neglect and the feeling of competing with their computers! :)

Best of hopes and luck to you too.

/Tanja.

skinnyxminnie wrote:

thank you so much for your reply, I'm so sorry you have to deal with the same things I do. we would probably get along great lol. it's so tough trying to get anything through to my boyfriend, I feel like it's hopeless at this point but I just can't help but love him! I'm sure you know the struggle. I hope we both find some sort of relief, whether that means our boyfriends stepping up to the plate, or us finding new ones. I wish you the best of luck < 3

strngrsangel
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 01/20/2015 - 7:55am
My husband hasn't played wow

My husband hasn't played wow in so long but when he did there were times that we were out and he wanted to leave to go home and play wow because he "promised people he'd be on to run something" His guild and his wow friends became more important than me ... then one day all his firends decided to pay $50 to switch servers or something and he eventually stopped playing wow and moved on to ff 14 which ended up being much worse.

leahcar
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 02/18/2015 - 5:07pm
My boyfriend and I recently

My boyfriend and I recently broke up for reasons different than wow but it really stressed our relationship. I realized that we couldnt do anything spontaneously or if I did come over while he was raiding I was basically watching tv for 7 hours while he played. When I brought up he had been playing for 7 hours (6pm-1am) he almost didn't believe me. Bottom line, get out of it. I know you love him but he needs to live his life outside a computer. I know there are goals to raiding and whatever but...not really...the goals are artificial. What is it gaining him in life? It's not like he's working towards a promotion, or getting in better shape, or working on cultivating real life relationships with you or anyone else in the time he devotes to wow. If i wanted to have a meaningful conversation it would take him 30+ minutes to respond to texts/call me back which is not a big deal in the scheme of things but sometimes I really needed him to answer.

TL;DR: He has the choice to waste his life chained to a computer, it doesn't have to be your choice. Quite literally there are millions of men out there who actually work toward real goals in life, not wow goals.

Alonewith2
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 10/16/2014 - 3:39pm
I am sorry you are going

I am sorry you are going through this. My husband's addiction also appeared to start with WOW many years ago now (although maybe that was just when I first really noticed it).

You cannot change or control a man and you did not cause him to flee to the game. My husband is still in denial - or maybe he is not anymore - we have not talked about it for ages and he appears to be trying to stop - even if just to prove me wrong. He was in total denial last year and through the beginning of this year - while you cannot help him and while marriage counselling is highly unlikely to work when addiction is involved, there are still steps you can take - steps to look after yourself and to make your own life better. Work on changing the way you behave so that you do not enable it (you did not cause it and you cannot control it, but don't make it easier for him either).

Keep reading here - there are many stories of how spouses/significant others have coped through this. There is hope for YOU. What happens with the relationship is partly under your and partly under his control and what happens with the addiction is under his control alone. Deal with what you can control and let go of things you cannot change.

Alonewith2
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 10/16/2014 - 3:39pm
I am sorry you are going

I am sorry you are going through this. My husband's addiction also appeared to start with WOW many years ago now (although maybe that was just when I first really noticed it).

You cannot change or control a man and you did not cause him to flee to the game. My husband is still in denial - or maybe he is not anymore - we have not talked about it for ages and he appears to be trying to stop - even if just to prove me wrong. He was in total denial last year and through the beginning of this year - while you cannot help him and while marriage counselling is highly unlikely to work when addiction is involved, there are still steps you can take - steps to look after yourself and to make your own life better. Work on changing the way you behave so that you do not enable it (you did not cause it and you cannot control it, but don't make it easier for him either).

Keep reading here - there are many stories of how spouses/significant others have coped through this. There is hope for YOU. What happens with the relationship is partly under your and partly under his control and what happens with the addiction is under his control alone. Deal with what you can control and let go of things you cannot change.

Neyasa
Neyasa's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/18/2015 - 12:25am
That was what drove me nuts

That was what drove me nuts with my ex and the ff14 the raiding for hours. It's a game why does it matter you have the gear and retard stuff. Don't you want the throw the computer in the dumpster.

Neyasa
Neyasa's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/18/2015 - 12:25am
That was what drove me nuts

That was what drove me nuts with my ex and the ff14 the raiding for hours. It's a game why does it matter you have the gear and retard stuff. Don't you want the throw the computer in the dumpster.

Eeerrie
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 2 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 09/12/2016 - 10:54pm
SOML

I swear I was laughing so hard when I read this because I felt like I was reading my life in text. This is literally exactly my story. When I first met my boyfriend he hadn't played WoW in a long while. At the time he was addicted to another game BUT because of the fact we had just started dating he wouldn't play when I'd spend the night and stuff and when he was on the computer he wouldn't play his games in front of me. So I didn't even know he was an excessive gamer. That was until we got comfortable just being our normal self around each other. My boyfriend has the same response when I tell him I'd like to spend time with him. "What are you talking about we spend all day every day together in the same room". Yeah it really gets to me at times. Especially when we're on opposite sleeping schedules because he's just spent the last 24 hours playing WoW. Or the fact that I can barely sleep cause he's on call with alllll of buddies online. Theres not 5 minutes of quiet in the room cause he's talking the entire time he's online....Theres only so much Netflix I can watch.

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 hours 39 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Eeerrie !

Welcome Eeerrie !

Glad you found us !

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Jenn022078
Jenn022078's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 1 month ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 09/22/2016 - 3:53pm
Hello! I'm new here and I

Hello! I'm new here and I see I'm not alone in this situation. My SO works from home and it's getting harder and harder to try and compete with a game. I have brought up us having date nights, but I'm still waiting. I stay up to all hours of the night just so I can get a couple hours of time with him before bed. Even that's being hard because I wake up at 5:30 in the morning to get myself ready and then the school routine with the kids. I'm hoping as I explore this site maybe I can get some ideas or even meet new people who can relate to me. Thank you for allowing me to join!!

Polga
Polga's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 hours 39 min ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Jenn !

Welcome Jenn !

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

LissLiss
LissLiss's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 weeks 1 day ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 10/29/2019 - 10:40pm
OMG - I relate SO much to this!!!

I read this post and it rang so true for me and my situation I couldn't believe it. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can at least find some comfort in knowing that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy. I see that you posted this a few years ago. I hope things have gotten better for you!

~ Alyssa

Log in or register to post comments