trying to save us.

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purpleCanary-
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trying to save us.

My BF (we've been together 2 years) I have lived with him for just as long. We have had almost the dream relationship and Im not exagerating. He got laid off in November, and he focused on a few projects around the house until about January. Since January, he has been gaming. At first i was okay with it, because he was making friends online and interacting. So i was thankful he wasnt completely closig himself off from the world. Until i found out that all day long, the people he had been playing with was another woman. Which he lied to me about when i asked him if that was a girl. I expressed my dislike and let him know i didnt think that it was appropriate that he was playing online and voice chatting with another woman all day while i was at work, and then continued once i was home. 

He finally was able to quit playing with her, by dropping group everytime she joined him. ( it was every time he logged on, she was joing his team). I tried to play the game with him, but it didnt make anything better because all he did was talk to the people in game and completely ignored me. Even though i was sitting right next to him....its exhausting. From the moment he wakes up until i make him come to bed, he is playing the game, only to break for dinner. 

I cannot communicate with him about it, in person at least. i get called every name in the book and told im insecure and just gut wrenching names you would never think your SO would say to you. Even though i know he is only lashing out due to anger and denial, it still hurts. 

I have sent him a very long, loving detailed text last week telling him the issues and what i wish he would do to spend more time with me and his son. Today i caught him playing with a woman again, and here came the name calling and now the treats to break up with me have started. I know that once he starts work again, the gaming will stop and so will the fights. But what if he ends this before that? how do i stop it? how do i convince him that he is in the wrong, and not me? i dont know where to go from here. 

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome purpleCanary

Welcome purpleCanary

I wonder how he would feel if you were talking to a lot of horny guys online ? If he would admit to feel jealous then there is a point made and maybe he can reflect on that.  But if he said he didn't mind, you could interpret that in a variety of ways ...most of which are not good indicators of how he respects your relationship.

If you click the link for spouses in my signature below it will take you to a page that has helpful links in it.

i suggest you look at the links for boundaries, the one about "cheating" online  and the one for communicating with the gamer.

Some partners find it very hard to make the gamer see sense. It may mean making some tough choices about your future.

My advice is don't squash your feelings just because he says it's your problem and what he does is 'OK'. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who puts the game before your feelings ?? If he wants just to game, find and make an awesome life for you.

 

INFO

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