[b]I'm not sure how this works. I'm not that savy with computers, but I came across your website when I was searching for help concerning my son. I don't even know where to begin. . My son started getting more and more involved on the computer over the past year and a half. He kept telling us it helped him to destress after school. Eventually, that's all he wanted to do. He didn't want to study, do homework, etc. He started spending 12 to 14 hours a day online playing games, surfing, etc., as soon as school ended. He was getting up after everyone went to bed and play all night and then say he wasn't. He was working a part time seasonal job and when they would call him to see if he was available to work, he wouldn't talk to them. My son had withdrawn from everything and the only social contact he has is via internet gaming. My husband and I shut the power off to the rooms with computers, to stop him from playing all night into the morning. By the time school started, my husband took his computer out of the house. He shut down and refused to go to school because we took away his computer. He finally went out driving with my husband the weekend after school started. So, on that Friday, Saturday and Sunday, they were on the road, and my husband said my son talked non stop. Before this he wouldn't talk to us at all. He went to school for six days after that and then shut down again. I finally got him to go to a psychologist. I told his psychologist that my son was depressed and a lot of his problems started when he became obsessed with the computer. He is currently being treated for depression and anxiety. He sees the psychologist twice a week and a psychiatrist has put him on an antidepressant. He missed school for almost all of September and October. After my husband, son, and I met with the principal , and his guidance counselor in the middle of October, he started back to school the last two weeks of October. However, one day a week, he refuses to get up and go to school. On those days he becomes very angry and combative. Also, he refuses to do any work whatsoever. He says he missed too much time, and he doesn't know what's going on in class. He won't open a book or even try. By the way, after the psychiatrist evaluated him, he told us he didn't advise removing the computer from the home because our son was at risk. The doctor told us our son was to limit his time and demonstrate he had control over this. My son has disconnected from everything. He's like someone who is void of any kind of emotional attachment to the people who love him. He told the psychologist he doesn't feel connected to us at all. He is so angry. I feel like I'm living a nightmare. The person I see now is not my son. He is not rational at all. I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense here and there is so much more that's been going on. I've been researching this problem via internet and my son certainly meets the criteria for addiction. This is killing his father and me as well as his older sister. My son was an honor student through his junior year. He says he wants to go to college. I guess he thinks it all falls out of the sky. I would really like to find doctors who deal with this addiction and support groups for parents in our area. Are there any? I sure could use some help.
CPGson, welcome to OLG-Anon. Regarding finding professionals in your area who deal with this addiction, have you tried checking the professionals listed on this site? Just click on the Professionals tab, select the U.S. (at the top of the list) and then your state of Pennsylvania. When I just tried that now, I see that there is "Dr. Kimberly Young" in Bradford. You may wish to contact him if he is not too far away from you. I wish you good luck in helping your son deal with his problems. From what you have wrote, I think that you are doing the right things so far.
- John O.
[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)
CPGson, I am sorry what you are going through but so glad that you found us. I still remember my first post here, over 2 1/2 years ago. It sounded so much like yours! Since that time, I've come to know and depend upon the people here for understanding that I found nowhere else. I have confidence that I'm one of many who will respond in short order. You are no longer alone. I'll start by giving you the similarities between your story and mine: 17 year old son, academically gifted and playing World of Warcraft He said it was a destressor School attendance declined He failed classes He had no interest in getting his driver's license He had no interest in members of the opposite sex He gained weight; his wake/sleep cycle changed dramatically He made no contact with friends/real people outside the game His social skills declined; he could not stand in a line or converse easily The only thing that gave him purpose in life was the game His behavior and language were atrocious and completely unacceptable We spoke to school counselors and teachers We took him to a psychiatrist, who put him on meds for depression and told us was at risk (potentially suicidal) and that he needed to learn to moderate his play Next, I'll give you the differences: My husband was not 'on board' with me. It took 1 1/2 years for us to come to a meeting of the minds. By that time, our relationship and that of our family had significantly deteriorated. Our son threatened to harm us physically What didn't work for us: Attempts to remove the computer and/or the game; he found ways around it, even parental controls Using the game as a reward and/or punishment Counseling Medications Meetings with the principal, counselor, etc. What worked for us: Finding an addiction therapist who instantly approached our son's obsession the way he would have alcohol or drugs Forcefully (intervention service) removing our son from our home to a therapeutic environment where he had no access to technology. I am happy to report that he has been back home for over a year now and was able to complete his high school education on time. He is in his first semester of college at an excellent, local university and has kept the same part-time job for a year. He's been exposed to World of Warcraft but has no interest; he has replaced it with real-life people and experiences that are much more meaningful to him. There is hope!
Welcome, CPGson. Read the post at the top of this forum that deals with minor children. My son was an adult when he became addicted and yours will be too, very soon. Most likely the reason he will not go to school is that the game has scrambled his brain so badly that he cannot focus and concentrate on school. He has been living in a virtual world of swirling colors and sounds, making it very difficult now to focus on black and white print on a page. Gamers who are removed from a game experience a withdrawal that is very similar to the withdrawal from amphetamines or cocaine, which includes a deep depression. Dr. Kimberly Young is a world-renowned expert in internet addiction, and if she cannot see your son, she may be able to recommend someone in your area. If not, another option would be to call anyone in your area who advertises that they specialize in addictions and ask if they treat gamers. Many are beginning to, but don't always advertise the fact. It sounds like he has at least some connection to his dad, which is good. It is also good that you are both on the same page here. That is important, because it is common for a gamer to play one parent against the other. Make sure your son understands that he cannot do this. You may want to talk to someone at his school about how he can catch up, but you may also have to just abandon the current semester if that is not possible. I know it is very hard to lower your expectations for a star student, but sometimes that is necessary, at least temporarily. My son is currently on track to finish an associate's degree at the same time that most of his friends will be getting their bachelor's degrees. I have had to let go of many of my hopes and dreams for my son, but I realized that they were just that--MY hopes and dreams. He is currently working two part-time jobs and going to school full-time. He has paid for two years of school himself and has a pretty good shot at an excellent job when he graduates. I am so proud of what he has accomplished. There is hope, even when things look completely hopeless. Feel free to PM me anytime. Hugs to you.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
Welcome, completely agree with what the other moms have posted. You have come to the right place to have you and your son's situation understood and taken seriously. One thing we hear all the time from parents is that, when their kids are in crisis and they've been takien for counseling, that the counselor recommends that the child be permitted to attempt to "control" his/her play. They suggest all the things that we already have tried, like schedules, time limits, reward systems and the whole deal, and the reason they didn't work is that it's an addiction. Does an alcoholic go into a bar and have just 2.5 drinks and stop? Well, not hardly. The line that your son, and my son, crossed was when they became addicts. They can no more "control" their game play than the alcoholic can stick to the pledge to have 2 beers. Another thing I think therapists often do not recognize is that the excessive game play may be causing some of the distressing symptoms, like withdrawal, hostility, rampant boredom when not playing, and lack of interest in the rest of life. It's hard to separate out the causes and the effects, but I am rapidly losing respect for professionals who think that playing 12-14 hours a day is conceivably healthy for anyone. I strongly suggest that you find a therapist who acknowledges the reality of gaming addiction and resume treatment with him/her. IMO, attempts to control compulsive game play are doomed to failure and will only prolong the agony that ultimately must come if your son is to break free. Keep coming back, we are here to listen and give you the input that we have all learned the hard way. Jane in CT
As a gamer/ex-gamer myself, I completely agree with JaneaEU(tm)s post. The game becomes a coping mechanism for many obsessive gamers. When life gets overwhelming, we go back to our digital escape. As long as the game of choice is present - even a little bit - the gamer will do anything to get back to it instead of focusing on recovery and repairing their real life. Your son needs to build a life for himself, to think for himself, and to set goals for himself - build a real identify for himself in the world. None of that can happen while he is obsessed with a virtual identity. These games give a false sense of accomplishment and social connections. As long as the gamer feels successful in game, they will have no incentive to strive for success outside of it. Many counselors do not deal with gaming as an addiction and try to tell the parents to allow the child access to the game in order to let them learn self-control. To me, as an excessive gamer, this makes no sense! If we had the ability to control our gaming, we would not be in this mess time and time again. Almost every other gamer I have talked to will tell you that schedules (even self-imposed ones) do not work for us. Some types of games are just too all-consuming for some people - and clearly your son is one of them. I would actually argue that a lot of your sonaEU(tm)s erratic emotional behaviors are due to this aEUoelimited accessaEU to his game. It is like he is going through withdrawals - then having a hit - withdrawals - then having a hit....It is even worse then if you had him go cold turkey. You need to find a counselor that deals with addiction treatment and will handle your sonaEU(tm)s case in that manner.
Until we are tested, how do we know if we will pass?
No need to apologize here for what you are feeling. Your description of your struggles are much like what we went through with our daughter for over 2 years. many meetings with school counselors, principals, teachers. One thing we eventually did was to get an IEP for her so that we could be sure that the school system (also in PA) would get her the support she needed while in school. The struggles with the school was one more layer to get through. The good news is that our daughter eventually got off the game and graduated. She's at college now and will be home in a couple of days. Eventually our daughter said that the game was an escape for her (as inspire says). As a result, I worry when the next crisis hits she might retreat into a game. I honestly cannot say that I'd ever feel that my daughter is healed, even though she isn't playing anymore. I feel I always have to be vigilant. I'm in central PA if you are nearby and want some 'in person' support.