I haven't had to post anything in awhile. It hasn't really been an issue. After we get home from work, he plays for a couple of hours while I work out and make dinner, then gets off to have dinner with me and watch TV. Around 8, I usually go get some school work done and go to bed. That's a typical week and I don't mind it. There's no need in me complaining if he's playing while I'm doing other stuff. The problem is during the weekend. He uses WOW to play with his friends from back home, so for that reason I try not to complain. I look at him doing 'arenas' on Saturday afternoon as if he's going to go play ball with the guys...no big deal. We've struggled with WOW majorly in the past before. He used to play 40+ hours every single week. He's come leaps and bounds since then. Recently however, it's been starting to increase again. He plays every night for a little bit, and it seems like he plays almost the entire weekend. This past weekend alone, he played almost 30 hours. I was gone for about 10 hours of that but, still....30 hours is too much for one week, let alone one weekend. He doesn't see it as a problem and doesn't know why I'm so insecure about it ALL of the time. We've been dealing with this for almost three years and because he doesn't raid anymore or play as much as he used to...he feels as if I have no reason to be concerned. Some days, I really don't mind his playing because he does make efforts to do things with me. Some days though, I can't stand it. I can't stand him talking about it, I can't stand the fact that he has a difficult time taking one full day away from it to do something with me. He's tired of me bringing it up all of the time and doesn't see it as a problem. He doesn't see it as a problem because he does do stuff with me. He plays AT LEAST a minimum of 20 hours a week. That's on top of a part time job and full time school. I do not know what to do anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He does stuff with me but, he still plays way too much. I've been praying that God will just remove the desire from his heart to play so much, that He will help him to prioritize things, that He will help him to find other activities other than games. He has a very addictive personality and if it's not WOW, it's DnD, his dual screen, wii, or magic. I feel like I don't have a right to complain because he has come a long ways and has been making effort. I don't know what to do to make him see that 20 hrs is too much. :(
Well, 20 hours IS in fact another part-time job. Not to say he needs another one, but that is certainly too much playtime. He clearly hasn't realized it's a problem. Sadly, I think a big issue here is the fact that he is even playing. In the past I "quit" many times. Then I would go, "Oh, well I'll only play an hour a night, or a few a night", that then always snowballed into play 40 hours a week AGAIN. I'm no expert on addiction persay, but I know from personal experience, that if you were once heavily addicted to booze or drugs (as I was at one point in life), you can't just go back and "do it a little". It doesn't work like that. I can't just have a little drugs, and then stop. I think WoW (I'm assuming that's what he's playing, lol) is the same way. It's too tempting for people to get right back into it. That's my 2 cents anyways. How one stops is different for everyone. I simply just stopped when I realized that I was screwing up my social life and my schoolwork. I know there are people who can play casually and be fine, BUT, sounds like he is the type that has a tendency to get more into it. Like I said, it's like an alcoholic, you don't just have "one drink", because it turns into another one, and another one....
Ok,this is just what ive heard ok.But isnt there a parental control setting on WoW to limit game time. I know you're not the parent,but still,this little feature might be rather handy. Also,have you contacted the makers of the game(buzzard,or something like that). PR on these games are always on the downward slope due to sites like this. So im quite sure if they were seen in a good light by actively stopping or helping him/her, they'd be willing to do so.Maybe doesnt solve a lot of people's problems,but by the distraught tone im feeling from your message,its gotta be worth a shot. Also,having just done it myself with guild wars,next time u coax him to quit, make him break the disc! It sounds childish,petty even,but as an addict in rehab(i guess thats the best description),literally "breaking" free is a fantastic feeling! Not to mention,deleting the characters. To do away with the thing thats held you for so long feels good. But. Its like Smoking.Its like Alcohol.It needs will power. Note to MMO companies: You sell colourfully packed heroin to over 8million a month. Trouble sleeping? No wonder.
He who has doubt has fear and to know one's fear is to know yourself.Yet,you dont know.Because somewhere,in the subconscious of your very being,lies doubt. Fear is a paradox in itself. Fear is to be afraid,almost petrified.Yet,although a cliche, Fear is the greatest Fear of all. Hence i have a simple message.Do not hesitate.Act with reason.Step forward.Dont blame someone else if it goes wrong.To do this,is to become free.Of fear,of doubt and indeed,of yourself.
starbrite, The fact that he made the effort to game less doesn't mean you have to be happy about it. The fact he has problems leaving the game for one day even to be with you should tell you how serious this addiction is in him. As long as he feels his life is functional he will not change, why should he? As long as he can function at school and have you and this game there is no need for him to change. If his life becomes unmanageable then he might see the effects of his gaming. You can't make him stop gaming if he doesn't want to, as long as he denies his gaming is excessive your life with him will be difficult and lonely. How ever difficult you may need to consider creating a life for your self here, possibly a future without him. Have you ever thought about the future if he stays like this? Are you willing to battle his game addiction over and over again? What if you two should have children?
"Be the change you want to see in the world" -------Mahatma Gandhi.
I just tried to talk to him about it - in casual...I'm not fighting with you, we just need to re-evaluate the current situation kind of way. I suggested leaving Sunday afternoons, and two nights a week open to us with now warcraft playing. He said 'sure.' Mind you, he's saying this as he's falling asleep. I spoke up...'Hey, this is really important, I'm trying to talk reasonably to you here without nagging...work with me.' 'Okay.' He said. 'What's up?' Clearly, it's not that important to him that it's a big deal to me. I'm sure he's thinking... 'Here we go again.' I don't want him to think that. If there were some clear cut guidelines, he could have time with his friends from back home, a reasonable amount of time with me, and it would be peachy. I've mentioned the children issue before and he just says, things would be different because we'd both have careers and children. Ugh - it's just so darn frustrating. Question to you gamers: If you're functioning life normally, ie: working, school, making time for your relationship..what would make you realize that you still may be playing a bit too much?
I'm not a gamer but that's a good question. I'm not going to debate whether 20 hours is too much. Obviously you see it as a problem for your relationship. You might want to consider what you would consider sufficient if he does spend the tme and do the things you'd like to do together.
Sounds to me like it's not so much how is he playing now, but how he has played in the past. I know I had periods of WoW where I would play pretty normally, a few hours here and there, but that would then PROGRESS into my full blown 40+ hours a week. So I guess maybe, you'd have to ask yourself if he can maintain that balanced playtime, or does it always start to get obsessive?
Well what made me decide to quit was the realisation my grades were going down, and having lost a relationship recently. I dont know if that helps any,but dont go leaving him(at least not permanently) because you'll actually make his problem worse(i played more to forget bout it)
He who has doubt has fear and to know one's fear is to know yourself.Yet,you dont know.Because somewhere,in the subconscious of your very being,lies doubt. Fear is a paradox in itself. Fear is to be afraid,almost petrified.Yet,although a cliche, Fear is the greatest Fear of all. Hence i have a simple message.Do not hesitate.Act with reason.Step forward.Dont blame someone else if it goes wrong.To do this,is to become free.Of fear,of doubt and indeed,of yourself.
Controlling the game play did not work for my son. If someone has crossed the line from social gaming to obsessive gaming, that technique usually won't work. We find that abstinence is the best way, and don't ever give give the game back. Don't use it as a bribe or a reward. It is like giving an alcoholic a drink if they do what you want. Liz
Liz Woolley
For me I went round and round on the "functional" gaming for many years. I have always been a computer game type person, but I would say I was gaming to the point where it WAS affecting my life for at least 8 years. My wife and I had countless discussions and made "plans" for me to game less and spend more time with her... . Mind you the whole time I never missed a day of work and managed to do the bare minimum to satisfy everything else that needed attention in my life... . I didn't finally wake up till she said she wanted a divorce after 17 years of marriage. . Everybody is different and different things will work for different folks. But for me that was the moment that I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. I didn't know what hit me. It took me weeks after that to finally reconstruct in my mind just what I had been doing for all that time. Up to that point I just never SAW it...
" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
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Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"
Once a gamer has been out of control and playing excessively I don't think control is possible. Sooner or later the control is lost again, specially WoW. It is designed for players to invest increasing time. Moderation is hardly possible in that world. Playing 20 hours a week is a lot if you have a relation, a study and a job. But it seems some addicts can keep their lives manageable...
"Be the change you want to see in the world" -------Mahatma Gandhi.
Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I don't know what it will take for him to manage and prioritize things better with WOW. I've been reading the power of a praying wife and I'm really hoping that by continually praying for him - changes will begin to take place. I know that change won't begin with just his wow behavior but, in his heart and only God can make that change happen. He surprised me, and brought me a rose today at work. He is trying, and I see his efforts. I could see myself leaving him if he weren't trying at all or putting forth any efforts, but I find it unfair to both him and our relationship to leave when someone is trying. He has agreed to do a devotional weekly with me, and to go to a new movie coming out about a struggling marriage called 'Fireproof.' Only time will tell, but all I know is that 'talking about it and talking about it and talking about it' doesn't do a think except make it worse and probably makes him want to play more. If you're someone who prays - then please keep him and myself in your prayers. Thank you all! -Amanda
I just recently realized that I was the same way as your boyfriend, and I went through this site and checked the symptoms of the addiction. I found that I had probably about 95% of those symptoms, and it blew me away.
I noticed that you wrote this over a year ago, but my advice would be to get him to read the page with the symptoms because he won't stop until he realizes that it is damaging his life. That may be the best way to get him to see.
My wife, then girlfriend when I was playing WoW, would say the whole stop or I'm leving stuff, and I told her to go if she wanted to. So I know first hand, that doesn't work.
It is our neglect to speak out on injustice that will ruin us as a people and as a nation. We the people cannot sit and watch this politcal game go unheeded any longer. http://www.movetoamend.org