I'll start this by saying that I have always loved games, board, rpgs, counsel, and computer. I started gaming with groups of friends in rpg's like AD&D, but as we got older and made our ways in life and most left gaming behind I just switched to computer games (no friends needed to play). When playstation came out I was in love with the more powerful, and richly detailed experience, and much better AI. Like many here already SIMCITY, CIV and other such games became by games of choice.
I would spend hours on these games, playing them over and over! My life seemed to go on, I could save my games, turn the computer off and come back to my secret pleasures whenever I had time, or could just ignore life and squeeze in another game.
However 2 years ago I found MMORPG's (oh despair!!). At first I was naive to the power of these games. I only had my perverse experience to draw from; you know secretly wasting vast amounts of free time (supposedly) on my addiction. However these MMORPG games require your constant attention, farming, raiding, trading, building, the list is endless, as is the time required to become truly amazing within the chosen world of play. No matter I loved them, and I had all the time in the world to enjoy them, who cares about work, life, family, ones spouse, health, appointments...NOT ME...I game!!!
I started on a game called Evony and instantly it seems now in hindsight became completely addicted. I would play everyday, I would play at work, at home, on family vacations at hotel computers, or internet cafes, I would be on the phone with guild "friends" or texting instructions about my account and helping them like they helped me, and simply put I played ALL the time.
My wife became ****ED, ****ED, ****ED OFF, did I mention she was ****ED OFF! We fought she cried, she begged, she threatened to leave me, I got scared at that point and began to hide the game making half hearted attempts to quit, spending less time online, but I just could not stop. Finally I did stop Evony and went to a much more manageable game that I could turn off when I wanted, where other players couldn't wreck my progress or steal my stuff like they can in Evony, I went to WoW.......OMG was I in for a world of pain!
At first I did control my game playing time online, my wife was on me like white on rice, watching me like a hawk, but not to worry I fooled her, she let down her guard and I was safe to play. But with an addiction I had no control over myself when it came to gaming and WoW was my downfall. I did all the wrong things all over again, wasted even more time, meet people who I thought were my friends and liked me, even loved me. My wife was getting very mad again and I just didn't wan to deal with her yelling, and crying anymore, anyways she trying to "STOP ME FROM WHAT I LOVE TO DO" how unfair!
Well the crap hit the fan in June of this year (2011), I was spending so much time away from home, her, my family, and RL friends who by then I had gotten ride of, they got in the way of my game time, she believed I must be having an affair and told me she was leaving me.
God I was so friggin scared at that point, I wasn't having an affair, I was just playing games 17 hours a day, but the truth was, I was having an affair, I was in love with WoW and I had left my wife for a computer game.
We talked that night for 6 hours, I promised to never play computer games again, and told her I would seek help. Since then I have completely stopped playing online games. There were a few stubbles, 1 day here and a half day there, but I deleted all my accounts and started to see an addiction therapist. We also started marriage counseling to get our life together back on track. Some days are harder than others, I can get moody, and itchy to play my games, sometimes I find myself playing risk on my IPhone and she kindly and gently reminds me "that might not be the best thing for you right now".
Overall I wasted almost 2 years of my life on MMORPG'S, nearly lost my wife and the happy life I had, its been a struggle but the fruits of my labor have already been sweet, we make love now all the time, my work has improved greatly and my day to day life seems normal once more.
My therapist told me something I try to remind myself of all the time "the game is your enemy, not your friend"!
Get well my brothers and sisters, this thing we have is a demon, but you, we, me can beat it, YOU CAN WIN THE GAME OF RL!
Brother, you and I are the same! My story is similar. Seven years later, I am in recovery and helping others. You will get there. Read, learn, get hooked in locally with a face-to-face group, and be accountable to your wife!
Read my blog... I offer advice that worked for me.
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
I love the quote my wife was on me like white on rice. That made my year.
Can I ask you about your therapist? I mean was there anything super-de-duper secret that the therapist told you that helped tremendously that you could share?
Glad you could break free
sounds like a hard life,
i hope it got better from there,
i quit and gamed again so many times.....
so i hope to see you back here!
so many people just breaze through.....
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
I'm currently seeing the therapist, she's an addiction therapist and she did tell me ONE thing that really helped me cope, that was that study have shown that game addiction will and do have withdraw symptoms, you will feel as if you NEED the game and will be sullin and moody, craveing them as you ween yourself from the addiction. Cold turkey was the best advice.
12-Step is important too. It helped me discover root cause.
Andrew P. Doan, MPH, MD, PhD
My Gaming Addiction Videos on YouTube: YouTube.com/@DrAndrewDoan
*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy, DHA or Department of Defense.
Hi badgames and welcome to Olga. Thanks for sharing your story and I'm so glad you were able to become free of your game. I loved what your therapist told you: "the game is your enemy, not your friend". I need to keep reminding myself of that one too. I wish you all the best in continuing your game-free life.
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson
Hi Badgames, and let me offer my welcome to Olga as well. I second Tabby's comment about your therapist telling you the game is your enemy. As time grows away from my game, there is a rosey glow about all that went on there...fond memory of those so called "friends" I knew there--yeah, right...that guy who labled my email as spam when I sent a tearful goodbye?? or the couple I knew from the game who broke up because he was beating her?? And then there are all those gamers who are in that world at the expense of their real life families. What's so rosey about THAT? So let's back up the tape a minute, shall we?
That rosey glowey place did absolutely nothing for my Real Life--it did nothing to help my real life marriage or my real life job. It did a fantastic job at snuffing out with great finality my creativity. I became a crashing bore to live with--hustling through family gatherings and holidays to get back to Loserville--aka my game world.
Newp, that game was in no way my friend, nor is it yours Badgames. I'm lucky--we're all danged lucky--to be out of there. I urge you, Badgames, to check in on whats happening on Olga. Its a huge help to be among folks who understand what you are going thru. I did the 12-step program, but that isn't going to be the ticket for everybody. I do know what is true about us all: We are better off out of the games than we ever were in them.
Gentle strength, BG
ElizA
.Left the games behind Tuesday, March 28, 2011...I have a new left knee and a lot more appreciation for the word "recovery"....blessings come in the darndest forms!
.
I saw my therapist on Monday and we made another big step, as far as my recovery goes. I deleted the app games off my IPhone; I had been using them as a gaming crutch for the last 2 months since quitting MMORPGS. We talked it out and I came to the conclusion pretty quick that they had to go.
I found it wasn't hard at all and really very satisfying to delete them!
BG
Nice job, bad!
Deleting phone games...forgot all about that. I should probably do that too! haha
-Ascender
A wise man once told me to shutup.
\\ Free from games since 03.13.2014 //
This is interesting, the amount of time my husband to be plays on Evony is causing a long standing argument. He devotes time to this game after work imedialtely, and then before, and makes sure he loudly justifies his reasoning. I hold groups in the prisons, faith based and spiritual God type, helping people get set free. He knows I Know addiction behaviour when I see it. He is in denial and starts to defend his right to play. In the steps of addiction his using is out of control.( regardless of the circumstances). So I was checking out other Evony family game people to see how they are doing. I do not let his gaming stop my life or happiness. HIs attitude about his excuses for all the time is he blames me for my time, which i KNow is very short, even for online college courses I take. The main points are neglect to our relationship, hostile attitude about my confronting his time on the game, and justification for his gaming. I hope this helps someone today, have a good day people, ok. Dahlia
GRATS!@!!!! and good job!
Your therapist is little too hard. Putting the goal to high is not always the solution. Sometimes it can even create the "I will never manage syndrom"
I have a story similar to your.For me the answer was simply playing Risk (table boardgame not computer one) with my wife !
(our version offered quick-play rules for 2 player only).
Perhaps your wife was not blaming you for playing "Mobile-Risk", but just for not helping/taking care of her at that moment you played Risk. I like also playing checkers, snakes and ladders with my little daughter.
The game becomes your ennemy when you serve it instead of using it to serve you:
For example if instead staying home playing with my daughter, I put her in front of cartoons the every saturday afternoon in order to go to the RPG-wargaming club 10km aways.
"The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath", Mark 2:27
Note that during Hanukkah, it is a tradition to play with a dreidel (kind of 4 sides dice) to remember that Nes Gadol Hayah Sham (a great miracle happened there)
Mobile games (as well as PSP, Nintendo DS) should be considered as time killer when you cannot do anything else (for example when you must stand up 30 minutes in an overcrowed train or bus where it is impossible to deploy a newspaper). What's the point of staring a 3" screen at 50cm from your eyes when you can look at a more ergonomic screen with a safest distance ? or at something else than the others travellers necks. I took as a rule to use my mobile console only in transportations or waiting rooms (hey, I won't start constructing my IKEA kit at the doctor's !) when nobody I know is around. This way it is not the game who decide of the end but the bus driver.
Mideaval.. I am not sure what your point is, but here at Olga we do not advocate moderation of gaming. The people who generally make it to this website do so after many many failed attempts to do so. While you might be finding some personal success with it, and time would surely tell with that, please refrain from making those suggestions to other members on this website. Its a very slippery slope, and usually leads one downward quickly as badgames so addressed in his initial above post.
I also recommend that you try to calm down on the explicit gaming references.
Good job Badgames. You and your family are worth it. Hope you are able to continue with success.. :)
there is also a tradition to get drunk on purim.
however for "those people" who can't safely drink, the tradition isn't justified
for a guy like me board games was a little extreme, but no major losses,
computer games was just a run away train....
i don't need any more computer games, and if i am losing out, i am gaining much more from the rest of my life:)
gl hf and keep coming back
leveling in steps, serenity, sponcys, sponsors, exercise, and sleep, (sanity has been downsized) sober from all electronic games since 11/19/2010
Thought I'd check in since its been awhile upateing my post. Ive been MMORPG free since June but have now stopped all gaming (phone, comp Al games like RISK, ect.) for a few weeks now. It's been hard I won't lie to you all, but I'm feeling good and making fine headway on the craveings to play, KEEP UP the good work all!
Badgames congratulations. Welcome and well done on your progress. I too have experienced all of this - my future wife did not threaten to leave me, but my own self-loathing caused me to drive a wedge between us, one that she could not seem to pull out.
One day I'd decided I'd had enough to be honest. I rang her from work and told her why I was being moody. I explained it all, and told her the reason for my gaming addiction to xbox 360. I told her that it consumed my spare time (thinking about it that is).
She was confused: "But I don't understand? You never get time to play them, you only play a couple of hours a week, and although I don't like them, everyone needs a release".
This is why moderation doesn't work, and why unless you have been in an addict's frame of mind, it is difficult to understand one. Consuming a substance endlessly is not the only thing that makes you an addict - the very act of constantly thinking about the consumption of a substance also makes you an addict. During my free time I talked to my lover, I spent time with her, cooked with her, and tried to be a good man. I really did. I may as well have been playing games for all my efforts though, as my mind was always focussed on the next gaming session.
So I decided to improve my life. Our quality of life. I didn't want to be devoted to a pixel array instead of her. When we first dated apart (a year or so) things were rosy and I could commit my time to her unfailing at the weekend, knowing that when I went back home (2 hrs away) to my solitary existence on Sunday afternoon, I would be able to play my games all week (neglecting my studies of course). As we moved in together, and her time "encroached" upon mine, I began to realise how much of a problem I had. To prioritise a virtual world over the beautiful, pure love she showed me? How sad.
Sorry, I've probably strayed here, but I hope I've made the point that moderation / alternative solutions do not work. Once you're dug deep into a hole, the only way out is straight back up the way you came.
Silent
I quit gaming on 16 May 2011. Thank you Online Gamers Anonymous for setting me on the right path to conquering my addiction.
So true. I gamed a lot of hours each day with marathan weekends. You would think that that would be enough to deal with gaming, since I had a lot of real life stuff to do: housework, yardwork, care for disabled husband, bills, etc., but NO! I spent every waking minute designing, plotting and reading websites to enhance gaming skill. Was I present at any meal? not really, i ate and ran.
Today my husband woke up and told me that when I was gaming the games had shredded his world. He told me today that now he is happy and enjoying his life. I had no idea games were affecting him that badly. I thought I did enough for him, why can't I have a few hours to enjoy my game? well, after being almost 4 months game-free, I can see that the hours I spent OFF the game were never really game-free; I spent too much time thinking about the games.
I'm so glad to be game-free. Life keeps getting better and better. I love to have my husband love me; and to tell the truth I love loving him too.
Patria, so often you echo what I am thinking. A quickly earned, and well deserved position as a Moderator simply for your wisdom and your ability to make us reflect.
This place has benefitted unimaginably from your arrival.
Silent
I quit gaming on 16 May 2011. Thank you Online Gamers Anonymous for setting me on the right path to conquering my addiction.
Hugs cnjayjay...BIG HUGS! Well I'm not sure about any wisdom on my part, since I also got trapped in the gaming addiction, but now that gaming is finished for me--one day at a time--I'm drawing on the wisdom I learned in AA many years ago.
And trying to follow it myself.