Hey everybody my name is Bobby and I am a major ADDICT!!!
Gaming just interferes with my life and many levels and I have much less time for important things and obligations.
1986 - 1995 I started gaming VERY EARLY. I was born in '84 and the NES came out I was practically still a toddler. My dad and I used to play games to gether like Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, or Wonder Boy III: The dragon's trap. Or, that Star Trek game that had like 2489793857238 disks to install that my dad kept running back and forth from the house to the office to install on the office computer (it was a 486 vs the computer we had at home). I guess you could say that my dad and I were both obsessed with games because it was all so new and fun!
1995 - 2001 Throughout high school I played games with my friends (all kinds) and became really obsessed (Duke3d, Q1, Q2, D1, D2, UO, SC, DeusEx, TA, blabblaalbalb). It distracted me from other problems like discovering I was gay, school, etc...
2001 - 2004 Eventually, I discovered POT and my gaming all but vanished (except playing smash brothers high on the N64 with all my weed buddies). I used to own them all with Pikachu who was imba and it made me feel really good.
There was this guy in college I had a huge crush on but was too embarassed at my sexual orientation that I only ended up doing more POT (just like how I used games to escape from my life problems).
Eventually, I made some raver friends and some DJs and they introduced me to after hours and that sort of thing and I started using speed.
2005 - 2009 I met my first serious boyfriend (on manline). I admitted myself to rehab, and we had a wonderful year (2006) together and we travelled to vancouver BC. My most fondest memory of my whole life is with him in BC looking at the Beluga whale.
He was exactly 1 year younger than me and I felt a bit protective of him. This is around the time I discovered dota.
I was so obsessed with DotA, and my boyfriend would watch me play. Sometimes, I would be like " We should go to bed, i got work tomorrow", and he would say "Just one more, I wanna watch you play again!" I would say "SURE!!"
Soon after, I taught him how to play and I would smile watching him play as razor or drow (his favorite). Man, how badly this would all turn out, I had no idea!
We were both obsessed with DOTA and our apartment was gross and we both smoked so many cigarrettes. We would only clean when it got "full".
He would play WAY more dota than even me.... how was this even possible, I do not know... but I had created a monster.
I felt really really guilty, because he is from vietnam and came to canada and had a very hard childhood and had done really well for himself by finishing high school and going to design school.... and now I have made him a huuuge dota addict.
I would get really ****ed at him and would unplug the computer. We would scream at each other. The irony is that I saw myself in him.
He would go to the internet cafe. I would go and see him play and it depressed me to see him playing with all the other asian people playing dota (it was really wierd to see them all playing through the glass), all together, but not. I would tell him to come back to the apartment with me.
I met some "friends" in my building who partied a lot and I started using more "raving drugs" & cocaine again. My boyfriend moved away to persue his career and that's when I broke up with him. It wasn't him moving away that broke us up, it was gaming and drugs.
I started dating again and using more drugs. I met a really good guy and have been with him ever since. What he didn't know about was my terrible addicition problems... but he would soon find out.
I abused a lot of excstasy, cocaine, and speed and almost died from an overdose (Halloween 2009). Talk about a real SCARE!! It was my mom's birthday and she was in Toronto when I called her from the ambulance.. with my heart rate REALLY DEATHLY HIGH AND WEAK.
I have sufferend from post-traumatic stress for the last year (almost all gone thankfully) because of my brush with death. This is not worth dying for...
2010 Now, I haven't used drugs since Halloween '09, but I still have been struggling with DOTA addiction.
When my boyfriend goes to work and I stay home and play dota I feel SOOO guilty.
I would drive him to work in the morning and be all excited just get get home at 6AM and start playing all the way to 3PM until he gets home!!!!!! Then, I would "start" to play games from then on until we go to sleep!
Some nights, when we are in bed watching a movie, I want to cry but don't because I am guilty and don't deserve ANY sympathy. I only shed silent tears.
I also wonder how my ex-boyfriend is doing and hope TO GOD that he is helping himself with his DOTA addiction.
I have unistalled dota so many blessed times but keep REINSTALLING zzzz SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't escape the fascination and obsession of this game that when I /uninstall I feel like all my skill is being wasted and that I am punishing myself for no good reason.
BUT THEN WHY AM I HERE!?!? There must be a good enough reason (a better life?!)
HELP ME HELP MYSELF STOP PLAYING DOTA OMG!!!!
[color=blue]Admin edit for language[/color]
I am really new to this group myself and do not have a bunch of wisdom in my pocket, yet...
but i did want to extend an online hug.. coz it seems like you are going through some really tough stuff, and feel alone in it...
I am a new recovering gaming addict... The gaming pretty much consumed my life..and i almost lost everything... but,
Yesterday, i didn't game, and today I'm not going to game either... One day at a time right now, for me..
And i am not going to listen to the voices in my head that tell me to game.
Uninstall the game.. and do something else today.. anything else... but don't game...
and try not to use drugs.... plz.. take a walk.. watch something stupid on tv.... eat something yummy.... but don't turn on the computer...
I'll be thinking of you... and holding your hand... in my thoughts... you can do this...
Thank you Alana-no-more!
Today I will not game!
**** this is darn hard. Qutting games is really hard. But I have some theorys about that because I quit smoking using the "Easyway" method. If you don't know this method you should check it out. Its a method discovered by Allen Carr - a smoker with 30 year old expeience. He quit instantly because of certain realisation. I think that there is a possible way of quitting instantly and there is a way to instantly break addiction. But the problem is that I do not know this way. Im sure that it must be a spiritual way in some way. Addictions are the spiritual thing of some kind and coping with them by a spiritual manner is a good thing to do. What can I say to you? I can only say that I am addicted to playing games too. I play Starcraft 2 and I ruin my Studies, I do almost nothing, only play, play and play. When I dont play Im getting mad and frustrated that I cant play anymore. You must realize that this addiction still operates even when you get away from computer. Even If you get away it still operates inside of you. Geez I wish I knew how to break this addiction. The only thing offered on this site is the support we can give eachother and the "12 steps" program which you shoul carefully read. I think that noone here knows the best way to quit gaming just as Allen Carr did know a way of quitting cigarretes- a way that is free of pain and is instant - you never smoke again. He was thinking if his way of dealing with smoking could work if applied to different addictions - maybe gaming too I dont know lol. I wish it worked. I wish you the best man I hope you stop playing. I know its hard and I go through the same hell, that can I tell you.
So I am sitting in front of my computer and I am just.... blank...
So I asked my boyfriend "What do you want to do?"... so now we are going to go buy him some new shoes *FUN*
I probably should not say that with sarcasm because if it wasn't for buying him shoes, I would be sitting in this chair doing nothing!
Anways, I haven't started re-downloading the game... nor do I want to... but I'm still finding it hard because my life is so devoid of activity.
Anways, here's to shoe buying.... catch you later!!
Bobby
Nothing is as easy or instantly gratifying as being able to hop into the game; that is part of the allure of these things. But the activities that you're going to find now that you are not playing will be much, much more fullfilling.
It will take some time to build up, but this is exciting because you can do anything! Check meetup.com for groups. See what's available your local YMCA. See if you have any sports clubs in your area. Get into some yoga and/or meditation classes. Start running. Get into reading. Try Nanowrimo.com, which is starting in November. Learn how to dance.
There's a ton of things! It will take time to figure out what you want, find the people/groups, to get involved. But it's going to be very fullfilling and rewarding once you get started.
The only winning move is not to play.
My boyfriend just went to class and I am all alone in the apartment and it's raining out.
I have to admit, that there is a VERY strong compulsion to redownload dota.
I'm trying to find other things to do... I could call my friend... but he is a major computer game addict too and I think that would just set me off (him talking about WoW and magic online and HoN)
Instead I'm opting to be alone in my apartment and gonna work on some homework *sigh*
Gonna eat a couple oreos first tho LOL
Anways, I hope you are all doing OKAY.... I am really trying here!
Do you read much fiction? I read more fantasy and sci-fiction in the first couple weeks of quitting than I did in the four years that I was playing WoW.
Write a journal entry about activity you might like to try into, something brand new, fresh and fun. Then start researching tonight where and how you can get into that. (I'm taking sailing lessons next year.)
I feel your pain with your partner being away. When my partner travels on the weekend that was always my orgy of WoW time, taking time only to tinkle and eat. Their called triggers in AA. Definitely have to watch out for them.
The only winning move is not to play.
I used to read tons of Dragonlance (oddly enough, this was around the time I quit smoking weed). I suppose I can find some unread books. Do you have any suggestions?
When you mentioned journal, I suddenly felt stressed at all my responsibilities and obligations in life (the journal reminded me of some school work I have to do that requires a journal). I think it is a really good idea that I grab one and start writing down my thoughts.
I think I need to write down my triggers and figure out how to avoid them. I know I was reluctant to delete the file that contains my CD Keys... but it is a trigger seeing that file. OOOO I'm so stuck on this one... should I just delete the file and not look back? Should I give the cd keys away (or is that a bad idea?)
Tomorrow, after school, I will start writing things down and trying to take more actions.
I know I have to find activities to fill my time. I live in montreal and it is cold here so sailing is out :) I will add this to my journal when I get it tomorrow.
I find that getting out of my house helps a lot. for 2.5 years my usual pattern was go straight home from work and log on immediately cause i knew my SL partner was waiting for me. i ate only the quickest convenience foods so that i had to spend no time preparing cooking etc. now i do not go home right away - i say to myself why go home what is waiting for me there? it helped me break the pattern. i do things now that were unthinkable before - like going to the grocery store! or going to the gym straight from work. I also go to the mall a few times a week and walk - just to be out around people and have the distraction of people watching and window shopping. it really does work. and guess what - when i head home i feel STRONG and invigoriated that i resisted the old pattern of rushing home and the call of the game. and when i finally get home i'm ok. i relax and have some dinner and do things i hadn't done in over 2 years, like lie on the sofa! and watch tv! sit with my dog and let her hop up in my lap - isn't that pathetic? for 2 years i ignored her. but the great victory is i don't log on - that's a great evening for me. One evening at a time. So i think all these suggestions are great cause they would all help you break the patterns around gaming, preparing to game etc.
Weekends for me are still a work in progress - they are my hardest time.
good luck!
hugs
Quit...
Go through some withdrawal - then don't ever start again.
It's not really that hard.
-Tory
http://olganon.org/?q=node/21821
A new book that I just read was Reckless. Took me about a day. Incredibly easy and fun read: http://www.amazon.com/Reckless-Cornelia-Funke/dp/031605609X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288056616&sr=8-1
Speaking of easy and fun, Ender's Game is a must read for sure: http://www.amazon.com/Enders-Game-Ender-Book-1/dp/0812550706/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288056691&sr=1-1
The Deed of Paksenarion is a little more technical, but after the first dozen pages I was completely immersed and it became a favorite book. This is the first book I read when I quit WoW; I kind of consider it my "quitting WoW" book: http://www.amazon.com/Deed-Paksenarrion-Novel-Elizabeth-Moon/dp/0671721046/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288056642&sr=8-1
Magician: Apprentice is another ultra fun book. Complete brain candy. The remaining books in that series proper (not so much the spinoffs) are awesome too: http://www.amazon.com/Magician-Apprentice-Riftwar-Raymond-Feist/dp/0553564943/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288056629&sr=8-1
The only winning move is not to play.
I love Ender's Game but it might be a trigger...
Ariadne~
Letting go again - Change is never easy, I fight to hold on, and I fight to let go.
Hadn't thought of that! It could be now that I think about it. Certainly you see plenty of "Ender" or "Bean" names in games... On the other hand, it could be argued that the book might promote the awesomeness of joining a team sport.
Well, fair warning: You might take a pass on Ender's Game.
The only winning move is not to play.
I've actually already read Ender's Game ;D I tried to read the sequel but it was a totally different pace that I stopped reading like 50 pages in. I will check out the first one you suggested though, I think starting to read again will really help me!
Anways, thanks for all your comments. I am off to bed and happy to report that dota is dying!!!
Yeah everything else in the Ender's saga is quite different. However, Card did write a parallel set of books that follows Ender's friend Bean, called the "Shadow Saga" or the "Bean Quartet":
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ender%27s_Game_%28series%29
It starts with Ender's Shadow and I think is much more in the spirit of Ender's Game if you want to continue some books in that universe:
http://www.amazon.com/Enders-Shadow-Ender-Book-5/dp/0765342405/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1288073587&sr=8-1
The only winning move is not to play.
If you liked Enders Game but got kind of lost in the first sequel or two you may want to take a look at Enders Shadow. It goes back and redoes Enders Game from another students perspective and in the sequels it follows that characters story line. It stays more in the spirit of the first Enders Game and if you liked Enders Game you will like these books even more
" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
.
Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"
Just dropping in to say that I am alive and not playing games. Today has been tough but that is expected. Doing some homework, but I am actually eager to get out and do something (being inside is very blah without my games).
My brain is just a total mess, my efficiency is terrible right now as I spend most my time sitting doing nothing... just random useless stuff on the web. Trying to stay focused... gonna finish my assignment and go do something, anything.
I hope you are all doing just fine!
Take care
Bobby
I am doing good Ex.. and thought about you today. and i hoped you would not game :)
Glad to hear that today was another one that was game free... Yay!!!!
Plz check in tomorrow... Will be thinking of you then too...Take care.
** Ok, I just deleted my CD Keys.txt file and emptied my recycling bin. This was actually a big step for me but something I've been meaning to do. I did go on battle.net because I wanted to someone delete my account / scramble the password, but just seeing Diablo 3 and other game stuff game me a massive craving and I closed it down. I need help knowing how far I am to go about cleaning my world of games. I do have a copy of Starcraft 2 in my closet. Should I just throw it in the garbage or give it away? I'm really unsure. **
Well my day turned out well. I managed to stay relaxed and not stressing out about everything. I went for a coffee (well actually a green-tea lattee) with my friend. He is my only good friend (irl) and he is also a gamer. However, I didn't mind listening to him talk about his road trip to Toronto for the Magic Grand Prix weekend and WoW. I was happy just to have some social contact.
I suppose I must be careful about this sort of thing because it could set me off, but I believe that I truly want to quit games and as long as I'm reporting to these forums that I have the support I need to stay sober.
I am trying to make new friends but I am inherently shy... especially around guys. If only I could meet someone who doesn't drink, do drugs, doesn't game or have any other addictions -- actually it just occurred to me that my lab partner fits that category. However, I think he is gay and this makes me very uncomfortable because I am gay. Ugh, everything is always a brain twist and I don't know what decision to make.
I do know some things and that is what I am sticking with
1) That the last thing I want is to drug, game, smoke, drink, watch porn, or subject myself to parties where these things are accepted.
2) I want to excersise and focus on waking up and going to bed at the same time each day.
3) Focus on my school work that I have been neglecting.
4.0) Stay in constant contact with my family (cuz that's all I got) and (for the moment) my one friend
4.1) Not isolate
4.2) Cleaning out my computer of all the trash that's on the HDs
5) Do more with my boyfriend in the way of activities that would benefit our relationship
6) Work on chores within the apartment like doing dishes, making bed, cleaning
7) Learning to reward myself in a health way (still quite clueless on this)
8) Keeping my office space clean
Ok, I think this is enough. I still need to get a journal. I will try to remember while I'm at the university tomorrow (putting alarm on now... hope it doesn't embarassingly go off when I'm in the public transit system).
Take care everybody and remember to stay strong!! I am trying my very best here and ... acknowleging the disease that I have.
I played very similar games that you did growing up. In fact, I used to play Pikachu as well and own my brothers who played Starfox and Kirby. UO was where it really all started for me. In the early days, you could run around and do ANYTHING in that game. Talk about a second life! That's when my addiction went from being a minor thing to a large problem. I too am here on the forums because of a DoTA addiction. It's almost sort of like playing a mini game of UO or Diablo.
Here's a suggestion for you that really works for me (and I'm sure it's part of the 12 step program in one form or another). Sit down and write out your BIG goals that you have in life. Things you REALLY want and that get you excited. Now for each goal, write down a short, medium, and long-term action plan or set of mini-goals. Now once you have done that, go start telling other people about your goals and what you are going to do with your life. There's something about going and telling other people that is very important. If left up to ourselves, we have a very high chance of quitting. But when we are held accountable by other people, we fill compelled to keep our word.
Hope this helps and good luck!
There was a really interesting idea put forth in Freakonomics (http://goo.gl/RhZm) that I agree with. They showed evidence that the people you surround yourself with has far more impact on your future success than your parents, the school you go to, or your economic status.
If you want to be successful, surround yourself with successful people. If you want to be a scientist, surround yourself with people that share that goal, work on science projects together. If you want to be a writing, surround yourself with those people, and so on.
Choosing your friends is critical.
As for the sexual tension between other gay people, that happens between straight men and women too, but since only 10% of the population is gay, I think it makes the tension so much worse.
On a similar note, I saw a funny short film once that was titled "The 10 rules for being a lesbian", or some such thing; I don't remember exactly. But rule number one? "Choose attractive friends. THIS IS YOUR DATING POOL."
C'est la vie. ;-)
The only winning move is not to play.
I totally agree with you, Cypher. I have something I live by in my life. It is "eliminate the failure models and increase the success models." As humans, we can't help but start thinking and acting like those around us. It may seem harsh to "eliminate" people from your life, but I feel it is necessary. And if it is not practical to "eliminate" them (family members) it is best to limit your time with them or "catch them at their best" (like when your Dad is really positive and excited during the football game). Being around positive and thoughtful, caring people is so important!
Cool comments Cypher and Latitude, i enjoyed reading them and will take them to heart :)
Yes, ditto
I will work on encorporating this in my life.
If you have lots of free time then, practice martial arts!. Most of videogames have a martial art factor into them, so maybe we might feel attracted to that, all that experience our virtual characters gain, we can also develop all these traits in real life (that's where it came from in the first place), you gain more dexterity (more reflexes, more neural networks), strength, stamina, willpower, etc.
It may be hard at first, but trust me, martial arts experience is very regarding: kick! punch! grab! jump! run!..... i'm not kidding, you literally feel your dopamine levels increasing and rushing down your spine, you're so focused and tired you forget about all problems you had.
If you don't want a military like regime, then go Tai Chi, the mother of martial arts, it focuses on balance and self awareness, it also quiets all that noise in your brain.
Tai Chi and Yoga poses massage your internal organs, stimulate your production of stress relief neurotransmitters and boost your defenses, you'll get home so tired you wont turn on the PC again.
But don't overdo it.
Posibilities are endless....
I totally agree on Martial Arts. I think what I enjoy about DoTA so much is the fierce competition. I went to a MMA gym a while back and they had me sparring on the first night! That is just as intense as playing DoTA, AND you are getting exercise. Unfortunately with my schedule I have not been able to get into MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) consistently, but it's something on my list to do.
I was going to do Martial Arts, but I guess I never did. I have been trying to that for years and years. Somehow it just never works out. I dunno, maybe not my destiny. I can see how that could develop spiritual discipline though.. something I need as a addict!
Mario
Hello, uhm I am a highschool 10th grade student atm. I exercise, hang out with friends during the weekends, study hard for my Ap/honors classes and get straight A's, follow up with church events, community service.....and then Dota hit me hard during my 10th grade winter break...that practically destroyed my chance of studying for the upcoming tests(after winterbreak) and thus I actually got B/C's on the tests and wrecked by grades. Also, am not really active at church or community services. Usually i would end school at 3pm>>go home and sleep till 6pm>>eat dinner till 7pm>>go exercise till 8pm>study till 12~2am. But now its more like 8pm to 12~2am
And furthermore it is 3:30am and I am going to go do my hw...yea dota makes me not only skip hw assignments but if i still have energy i tend to pull an all nighter :(
I never played DOTA but if i had i am sure i would have had my but kicked by it too.. I love MMO games. I just started playing a year ago and it took less than a year to ruin my life with gaming.
So, I found Olga, and made the choice, and just... quit. Walked away from gaming. I can't come here and tell you gaming sux because as you know, it can feel awesome. But the problem is, some of us just can't play a little bit. We get sucked into it and before we know it the game becomes the priority of our life over other real stuff that is of far more lasting value.
I believe you have a calling. We all do. And our true desiny in life is not reaching another level. So I pray everytime i get up.
Please (higher power) help me not start that first game today. Guide me on my right path.
I've seen stuff happen when i do that prayer and it really helps me and humbles me to know that i can't be game free on my own.
Take care Lots. You can do this.
You are worth far more than levelling up in DOTA.
Being able to just stop playing games is a real blessing and shows that we have more control over our lives than we think.
Mario