Help for parents of video game addicts; a first aid kit and resource to plan your action!

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Polga
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Help for parents of video game addicts; a first aid kit and resource to plan your action!

Quote:

"Declaring our home game free and having limited internet access was the best decision we made... We tried many things before with no lasting results. We also made sure to tell him over and over again that we do what we do not because we are trying to punish him or to show him who is the boss, but because we love him dearly and could not continue contributing his destructive path." 

Welcome to all parents  of video game addicts!

Here is your first aid kit ! A guide for parents looking for solutions to their childrens gaming problems. "Children" includes adult children as well as minors. You are not alone with this problem. Many others have walked this walk. This is what makes Olganon unique; we are the voices of parents and loved ones. It is our experience. We are not professionals with alligences to their way of doing things, or people with financial gain or kudos based rhetoric. We would rather not be here, but recogise the needs of others like ourselves to hear from people with actual experience.

To get the best results you may need to read the information carefully and more than once to understand and to be able to remain STRONG while you deal with this baffling addiction.

KEEP STRONG !!

For many parents who come here, it will be the enabling aspect that we can have the power over to change. We need to be strong to keep consistency in how we respond to their requests trying to undermine our decisions, and keep strong in the way we care for ourselves. 

On the internet you will see many suggestions from many different sources about how to relate to your kids if they have a gaming problem or you are concerned about their gaming use. Some of their suggestions around moderation may work for you. However, this website is aimed at the people who are experiencing problems significantly worse than 'normal' (what ever that means!) We have experience of the kids, young people and adults who cannot seem to willingly stop their gaming and it''s really affecting their lives in a big way.

For them, because they are "addicts", MODERATION DOES NOT WORK.

You, the parent is likely to have tried and found out that those suggestions around trying moderation are not working. This website is for you. We hope it will empower you through our shared experience, to take the necessary steps and say enough is enough. Something has to change. That change needs to be us.

This website may help you deal with the domain of video game addiction which is often assigned by self-help books, websites and 'gurus' to be dealt with by professional therapists because it is so problematic.

Therapy has it's place and can be helpful, but it has to be good therapy. Our experience is that a significant proportion of therapists do not recognise video gaming addiction as an addiction, do not know how to treat it or refuse to treat it as a priority. Our experience shows that treating mental health symtoms before looking at addiction as part of the problem means wasting time.  Therapists may make excuses for it that can trap us into paying for therapy that will never work.  For example, they may want to try to treat the depression or anxiety rather than the gaming. Unless the gaming is also addressed as number one importance (because it causes depression or makes it worse) the addict cannot be healed.  So beware ! 

So if you find a good therapist who understands; that's great.  But many people cannot afford good therapy or the child refuses to go !! So what can you do then ?

You can use this website. This website seeks to empower the parents by offering the experience of others who have gone before so that you can make a well considered plan. This will involve thinking through your choices before putting them into action. You need to be aware of your kid's safety and your own safety when you make changes so it's important to become educated.

If you do not have the money to pay professional fees for a good therapist, your options are:

  1. do nothing,
  2. do something that makes you feel like you are helping so perhaps helps you feel better, but actually may not make a difference to the gamer's long term wellbeing ( this 'help' is not helpful and it is called enabling)
  3. or you will need to invest in your own education to understand this addiction and what is possible for you to control, before you make a plan.

Educating yourself by reading this website, buying and reading books, unfortunately, takes TIME  and persistence ! It can also feel very lonely. If you reach out in the forums, hopefully someone will be there like they were when I first joined this site. You are not alone.

If you take time to search the forums you may find wisdom that will help you. If you do not have so much time then use the following selected threads, which are the recorded experiences of other parents, to understand what you can do to start you on your journey from chaos to peace and sanity.

Olganon has been established and has supported the loved ones of video game addicts  for many years . If Olganon has supported you, in time please post your success and failures on the forums so we can continue to pass on our recent experiences to the new generation of parents encountering this baffling situation for the first time.

 

You may need to sign up for membership to view some of of the highlighted threads below and then you can access the members only forums and also attend the typed chat meeting for parents ( IT'S FREE). Details about parents chat meeting click here

If you find the information we provide helpful please consider making a donation so that this website will endure to help other parents who come after you. Donate here Thank you for your support !

1a) READ THIS FIRST Welcome information for parents of minor Under 18's children with gaming problems:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers-open-forum/help-i-think-my-minor-child-addicted-video-games

1b) READ THIS FIRST Welcome information for parents of Over 18's adult children with gaming problems:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers-open-forum/help-i-think-my-adult-child-addicted-video-games

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2) What a gaming addict would like to tell you about mental health problems and compulsive gaming:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers/what-i-would-say-parents

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3) **GETTING SUPPORT FOR YOU ** Overwhelmed by the realisation of your lack of control over this baffling video game addiction ? Learn how to get support for you:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/overwhelmed-get-support-you-we-need-recovery-too

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Quote from a member:

"My son is a gaming addict ...Declaring our home game free and having limited internet access was the best decision we made... We tried many things before with no lasting results. We also made sure to tell him over and over again that we do what we do not because we are trying to punish him or to show him who is the boss, but because we love him dearly and could not continue contributing his destructive path."

4) Recovery from gaming addiction only starts when parents stop enabling the addict. To find out what parents need to stop doing to help our video game addict kids (how to stop enabling them) see this thread linked below:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling-what-we-need-stop-doing-really-help

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5) When trying to reach out to them is difficult. Tips on communicating with a gaming addict and about "interventions:"

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/interventions-parents-video-game-addicts-and

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6) Some of our member stories, parents who have dealt with this addiction themselves:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers/members-stories

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7) When they are failing in college due to video game addiction

https://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/gaming-addiction-when-they-are-failing-college

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8) Experiences and tips about wilderness therapy:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/wilderness-therapy-and-theraputic-boarding-school

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9) Experiences using professional therapists: this may help you to know what to consider when seeking therapy for your child

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/experiences-about-addiction-therapy-healthcare

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10) Dealing with the threat of suicide or self harm by the gamer:

http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/dealing-threat-suicide-addict

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11) What parents have learned from the experience of dealing with a childs gaming addiction:

https://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-parents-olg-anon-members-only/what-parents-have-learned-experience-dealing-childs

 

These are just a few places for you to start to do your research if your son or daughter is a gaming addict. There are many years of experience on this forum. Keep coming back. The more you know and the more the information become part of you, the better prepared you will be to make a difference to your child's life. If you are a member you can search the forums using the box at the bottom of every page.

Please post your success and failures on the forums so we can continue to pass on our experiences to the new generation of parents encountering this for the first time. Thank you !

Other support for parents of difficult adult children : https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/forums/parent-emeritus.18/

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Spectrumgamer
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Joined: 11/11/2018 - 12:24am
Internet addiction

My 14 y.o.son is on spectrum but he wasnt diagnosed till he was 13. I did test him in 3rd grade but I was told he is fine. He started showing more qualities after my husband passed away. My son was always attracted to internet but I didnt think he is overusing it and he never used for any inappropriate content. After his dad passed away, it was his only way to console himself through watching funny videos, memes, etc. We tried grief therapy, whe is receiving mental health counceling to deal with his anxiety. But it got to the point he cannot function without electronics. It is either tv, YouTube, games, memes, etc. He literally hyperventilates when I lock his phone. He manipulates me and lies to me continously. Becsuse of the stress, my health started declining. I cannot drive the car because I had a seizure. Where do I start? I am scared to take everything away considering he is still vonurable after his father passing. Before 1st year anniversary he went through nervous break down. It is very difficult to get any help. We are over a year on the waiting list for behavioral therapy and just started OT. Not able to drive for 6 months makes it more difficult since we live in suburbs and there is barely any public communication. I am desperate! Please, help me@

Polga
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Last seen: 6 hours 30 min ago
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome

Welcome

To help your son you can start to come back to read the forums as much as you can so you understand the issues. Use the search box with key words such as "autism" to see how other parents have coped. the links in the thread above will also help you.

If it is addiction exacerbated by autism then its possible CBT will not be very effective on its own. He may need a stricter regimen on how he lives day to day.

If you can, find a private therapist who understands internet addiction to guide you. You could try call the reSTART program to see if they know people in your area.

You will need support; I suggest you link up with parents of autistic kids; there may be a group in your area who can advise you better.

Have a look at the thread on wilderness therapy also.

INFO

Help for gamers here

Help for parents of gamers here

Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

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