This is pretty much a journal post/cry of help or insight. Hope thats ok.

I've been struggling with the idea of gaming for a long time, a couple years now.  I grew up doing it, and I know gaming is not inherently bad.  The main reason why it's so difficult for me to say "yes I have a problem" or "no i don't, im cool" is because of my religious beliefs.  I'm convinced God hates it when I play video games, and so that makes this whole "am I addicted? well idk" a lot harder to figure out.  Why?  Cuz I love gaming, it's hella fun, but of course I'm gonna feel like sh** if God is wanting me to stop and I'm disobeying Him.  Of course I'm going to binge-game if I tried to quit cold turkey for God and then came back because I love to game.  So, this aspect really makes it difficult.

The not so difficult part is that, God out of the picture, I think I may have a problem.  I can't remember why, but I tried to stop playing video games all together a couple weeks ago.  It was just eating a lot of my time, and it seemed to add to my anxiety.  I had just resubbed to WoW, and quite honestly I didn't play too much, but the motivation to get my sh** done was always cuz I wanted to have free time later that night to game.  I did my hw, got my sh** done, went to work, it was all groovy, but the fact that the entire time I was looking forward to gaming was kind of alarming to me.  Like, is that all I really have to look forward to with my life?  
Before I quit, I had been wanting to play Halo again, never owned an xbox.

A week and a half later, after I quit, I bought the new Halo Xbox One S bundle.  And binged hard.  Through out that week I wasn't even craving gaming, or wishing I was playing cuz I needed the games.  There were times when I wanted to game, but that was because I was so ****ing bored there was nothing else to do.  Even then, I would just put on some Netflix and munch on snacks.  Wasn't "all consuming".

So when I bought that xbox I was a little surprised, but I think it was cuz I wasn't sure if I was an addict.  Yeah, I probably love gaming a bit too much, but addicted?  I wasn't craving anything.  

But that's why I'm on here.  Even as I write up this whole thing, I feel like i'm in denial big time.  I wanted to type this out on a site like this because I know you guys know what it's like to be in my shoes.  Idk what I'm looking for with this post tbh.  I just wanted to talk about it so someone other than my friend cuz he and I are in the same boat.  He quit a week ago, but the day after coming over to co-op on some Halo with me, set his ps4 back up, and told me he would eventually play again, but he wanted to make sure he was more discaplined this time.  So you can tell he's not the best person to talk to about this...

...anyways I could keep going but I'll stop cuz I'm hungry.